Communication Skills: The 3 C’s and The 3 R’s!

 

Written by: Nadinna Guerrero

 

Communication can be daunting for many who have not had success in conveying their feelings and emotions to others.  It is too often used in negative ways with negative consequences.  This is why it is very helpful to work with a therapist to be able to practice communication in a safe place and safe environment without judgment.  There have never been enough healthy opportunities or healthy examples on how to do so and to get helpful tools on how to communicate more effectively.

 

The three words that I use to explain to clients the negative connotations with communication are:

 

 

Confrontation:

Many people hate confrontation and will avoid it because they feel threatened by it.  They feel anything they need to communicate will probably become confrontational.

Conflict:

Communicating when angry can create conflict and increase conflict which is why we use creative ways to let others know that we will discuss the situation when we are in a calmer state.

Contention:

We have seen many examples of those who overcommunicate, which feels like they are bringing contention to every situation.  This is why we need to learn to have balance and be mindful whether we are dominating every conversation.  We also need to be aware of timing and whether everyone is available to listen freely.  If we are being open to receiving feedback, then we can be aware of whether we are overcommunicating or not.

Now let’s discuss the three IMPORTANT words that explain why it is important for us to communicate:

Reveal:

If we do not communicate what we are feeling and how we are feeling, then how can anyone ever truly know how we feel?  It is not anyone’s job to “guess” or to read people’s minds” to discover how someone is feeling. If we want others to know, then we need to let them know.

 

How?

 

By using “I” statements.  “I feel….. when….”. It is also very important to communicate our needs otherwise we will not be able to get them fulfilled.

Release:

When we express how we feel, we can release what is bent up inside us and be able to give a voice to what we are feeling.  This can lead to good discussions which helps promote understanding and gives more clarity. Otherwise, we can build up resentment towards others and want to blame others.

Resolution:

Ultimately, we want to gain resolution to have peace and to move forward in our lives.  This may not always be possible due to difficult people or situations, however, with those who are most capable and most important to us, we will need to work towards gaining resolution.

I hope this makes it easier to remember why it is important to communicate: The 3 C’s and The 3 R’s!