Breakups come in many forms. Sometimes they hurt terribly. And sometimes they were such a long time coming that you can’t help but look forward to your freedom.
Still, it takes time to recover.
Your life changes in many ways. And you begin to see that your life shifts.
You no longer need to check-in or appeal to someone else. Conflict wanes. But so does daily connection.
To move on from a breakup well, it’s necessary to be patient with yourself and to be wholly intentional.
While you definitely need to do what’s best for you, there are some key factors to consider for the best way forward. You may want to try the following:
1. Allow Yourself a Few Healthy Diversions
Whether you are heartbroken or relieved, shifting out of a relationship that wasn’t working is often difficult or unsettling. As you get used to being unattached, it’s a good idea to find a few healthy distractions outside of the dating realm. Maintain friendships and try to be with people often. Perhaps try some new things your former partner did not want to do. Express yourself with hobbies or creative pursuits.
However you choose to distract yourself, be sure substance abuse or any other negative activity doesn’t derail your breakup recovery. Simply allow your mind a break and do what you can to feel more positive.
2. Wait A While Before Getting In the Dating Game
Rebound dating is generally not the way to “move on.” Another person, with a whole new set of qualities, interests, and needs, may seem refreshing at first. You may enjoy the attention and admiration. But it generally becomes complicated quickly if you haven’t given yourself enough time to resolve your past feelings. It’s important to be fair to yourself and any future connections.
Moving on after your breakup has no specific timeline, but do allow your break from dating to be significant and meaningful. This may mean enduring some emotional discomfort at first. Sessions with a counselor can help you work through such feelings and facilitate personal growth.
3. Journal Your Journey
Why should you record your breakup? Because relationships matter and how we process them matters. This provides closure, life lessons, and a pathway forward. After all, if the relationship was unhealthy, toxic, or simply unsatisfying for one or both of you, it may be well worth your time to sift through the events later to address specific thoughts, feelings, or wounds that are getting in your way.
In addition, journaling, as a process, can be very cathartic if you do it regularly. The routine process of reflection is excellent for self-care as it allows you to slow down and regain your equilibrium as you work through post-breakup anxieties and emotions. Take time often to write the positive and negative aspects of your relationship. Think about how you treated each other and how you felt about your partner, the relationship and yourself. Identify and track your feelings as you write, being mindful of how the journaling process helps you heal.
4. Seek and Maintain Solid Support
Love often takes time to fade. Thus, loneliness is often part of breakup fallout.
To keep yourself from unhelpfully ruminating on what could’ve been, you’ll need the love and support of your people. Whether they are friends, family, a therapist, or a support group, allow yourself to share and be cared for by others.
We are hard-wired for community and belonging. Just because your current relationship is over, doesn’t mean you need to forgo safe, trustworthy comfort. Positive bonds can help to ward off isolation, keep reaching out and inviting people into your life on good days and bad.
5. Develop a Fresh Perspective and Consider a New Path
Your relationship, no doubt, absorbed much of your time and energy. Now that it’s over, you may feel listless and adrift. That’s perfectly normal. That feeling is not a call to jump back into another relationship, beg your ex to come back, or play videogame marathons in the dark.
You may feel out-of-sorts or purposeless right now, but try to remain positive and open to change. There may be work opportunities, travel goals, personal growth, and more on the horizon.
Moving on, takes time, reflection, and a willingness to value yourself and your own future. Even without a partner to define you. You can come out of a breakup stronger and more positive. Just be sure to take care of yourself and take advantage of your freedom. Moreover, if you still find it hard to heal, please read more about individual counseling and contact me for help soon.